Meditations on Yes and No
(and a new archetype workshop series)
This newsletter (or whatever this actually is) includes a ramble through my ideas and memories of meetings with yeses and nos at various times, and some information about a new archetype workshop series launching in January.
I hope you enjoy!
Yes opens. No closes. Yes expands. No contracts.
I say yes and I am bare. I say no and I’m safe; protection like wax I can’t peel off.
Once, in my Rebalancing bodywork training, we were instructed to walk through the room saying, “If I were to say yes to myself right now, I would…” and whatever occurred to us, we would do that. Thirty of us wandered throughout the space, repeating the phrase and saying things like, “give Sulo a hug,” “put my hand on Pratima’s cheek,” and “go up to Sam and smile,” until we were touching, hugging—all of us, connected. Some of us had pulled down the massage mattresses to lie together in a sweet embrace.
Then we were called back and given the opposite instruction: to say, “If I were to say no to myself right now, I would…” And here’s what happened. Each one of us retracted, pulled away from contact, our steps weighted, shoulders curled forward. At the end of the endless minutes, most of us had found a wall or corner in which to isolate, our backs to the others. Silence cloaked us.
Our instructor clapped twice. “All right, so let’s get going. Let’s say yes. Yes to our sadness, yes to our rage, and yes, yes, yes to ourselves. Yes to our longing to be seen, touched, healed. Isn’t that why you’re here?” His face bathed in white light from the Indian morning sun through the big windows. “Say yes to your body, your face, yes to the person next to you. You’re bodyworkers now, and that means that you could be touching people for years to come. So if you’re going to be good at what you do, you need to say yes not only to the ones who come to you but also to yourself, however you show up.” He spread his arms wide in emphasis. “Because trust me, there’ll be times when you’re too tired, just had a fight with your lover, or simply don’t feel like giving another goddamn massage.”
What a strange idea, I thought, unable to imagine not wanting to give someone a treatment. We were two months into the intensive training and nothing existed outside of touching and being touched. The thrill of discovery fresh and alive even in dreams. Every day a new miracle of learning how the body moved, functioned, and how it could change shape, lengthen, and release through touch.
“So when you say yes, as you’ve just experienced, you are open. You are able to give and to receive.”
It was a revelatory exercise. But my problem had never been saying no. In my first Encounter group, the leader had to get down on his hands and knees to tell me, “The word is no, Deepam.” Because he’d found me under some hulk of a guy trying to kiss me. I hadn’t wanted to hurt that guy’s feelings or not appear to be “surrendered” to the process, so I’d been lying there with my head turned away, hoping he’d get bored and go away.
What a moment. I could say no?
Liberation ensued.
I’d been in the habit of saying yes to everything, which was usually the answer that found me in places I shouldn’t have been. Certain beds, for instance.
Survival: a writing series exploring the psyche through four pillar archetypes.
These constant companions deal with themes relating to survival including power, sexuality, creativity, and safety. Using insights from Caroline Myss’, Sacred Contracts and Clarissa Pinkola Estes’, Women Who Run With the Wolves, we’ll explore each archetype’s lessons and gifts; their shadow and light aspects,
By infusing these insights into our writing, our characters become more complex and nuanced. Whether you are writing memoir, poetry, or fiction, this series will deepen your understanding of all you choose to portray.
Times & Dates: 7-9 p.m. Eastern; January 23, February 6, March 6, & March 20
Each of the four 2-hour workshops focuses on one archetype: Child, Victim, Prostitute, or Saboteur.
“So when you say yes, as you’ve just experienced, you are open. You are able to give and to receive.” Love all of this. So relatable and love that No!